Monday, January 31, 2011
Erosions or WTF!
Yes, I've gotten them during this past year.
I had none when I had my ENTIRE body Xrayed in Dec. 2009 when we were trying to figure out what was going on BECAUSE I COULDN'T MOVE IN THE MORNINGS AND GOT STIFF EVERYTIME I SAT STILL FOR MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS.
I got diagnosed super quickly, in Jan. 2010, and was put on a biologic and mass dose of methotrexate right away, but, as it turns out, THAT WASN'T ENOUGH TO STOP THE EROSIONS!!!!!
I'm more sad and disappointed than angry, despite the CAPITAL LETTERS SCREAMING AT YOU.
I think I'm too tired and resigned at this point to be angry and care to that extent, if that makes sense.
I just don't know what to do.
I met a friend and her mother after for coffee (turned into lunch) and was kind of upset, but fine.
Then I got home and started researching stuff online, got sick reading about side effects and lay down on my comfy couch, under my puffy down duvet when a friend I hadn't heard from in a while called. She started to say, "Hi, how are you, don't have much time, just calling about some work," and I promptly started crying.
Anyhow...my rhuematologist, who was totally disappointed with the friggin' Xrays, is recommending Actemra.
Pros: an infusion every 4 weeks instead of giving myself a shot every week.
Cons: having to go for an infusion every month instead of being able to give myself a shot in the comfort of my own home.
There's more of course, but, hey, the side effects listed for every drug are scary freaky if you really read the fine print closely enough. (And, no, I'm not being stupid, or entirely facetious, I get the seriousness of things like gastrointestinal perforation just fine, thanks, but it seems to me it's six of one, half a dozen of the other when it comes down to it).
Now I just want to confront the parking dodo who gave me a ticket for parking on the residential city street for longer than an hour. Because I went to my doctor, got bad news, had to go for a chest Xray, then to another doctor to make an appointment for the now once-again-needed TB scratch test, then met a friend to get a hug and have lunch to cheer me up and, no, I didn't make it back to my car in the under 1-hour time frame, during which, apparently, you're supposed to be able to do all your necessary business, which, if I may say so, is practically impossible under the best of circumstances.
P.S. The picture? That's my body spinning out of control...